Keeping Financial Secrets from Your Spouse with Caroline Vencil – EP 311

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While honesty is a component in solidifying relationships, Caroline had to keep some financial secrets from her husband to make their finances work (because married life is not always filled with great laughter and romantic late-night talks.) Still, there is a greater challenge in fulfilling one’s role in the marriage and responsibility with their family. In this episode, we hear from Caroline about why and how she kept financial secrets and what it meant for them. 

Money is math but money is also emotional.

Sponsors:

  • Secrets. Those juicy little nuggets of information that you share with just a few people (but inevitably leaks to a larger card). Well, secrets aren’t doing so hot these days. I mean it didn’t work for Victoria and it’s certainly not going flawlessly for the deodorant company. So ‘secrets’ is running a new campaign that’s more about generosity and vulnerability in sharing those previously hidden messages. And if you like the sound of ‘secrets revealed’ then you’re gonna love Money Made Easy. Allison’s newest book where she dispels the myth that money is complicated and shares how YOU can experience ease. Secrets— no more hushed talking. Instead, try enjoyable reading. Money Made Easy, that is.

Caroline is a money-saving expert, especially when it comes to her family of 6 living on one income. After becoming a teen mom, she is a master of living on a tight budget and still having a full life. Now as a 6-figure entrepreneur, works from home, and teaches other women how to make their money work for them and to take charge of their own financial lives.

The Financial Challenges In Marriage

Caroline and her husband promptly got pregnant after marriage–they were both young. As they got deeper into their marriage, they found out how different their approaches were to finances and how they thought about money. They fought for a long time due to these differences. Caroline’s husband wanted to be able to spend his money when he wanted to, but for her, when you have a family, the financial and overall relational dynamics have to come into account as well. Right now, they are in a much better place in their finances! 

Keeping Secrets For The Better

A fight ensued about how Caroline’s husband couldn’t see the reason to save money as he does not see a future in their finances. It hit her when she didn’t want to live paycheck to paycheck for the rest of her life, so she firmly told her husband to either do this with her or she was going to do this, and he would come along for the ride. Caroline gave her husband’s debit card a daily limit, so he could stay within spending $20 daily. She also started moving money from their checking account into a savings account without her husband knowing–each week on payday, it would automatically withdraw and deposit from our checking to the savings account. 

Finding The Middle Ground

Find a therapist that’s covered by your insurance plan to help you mitigate the cost of it. Caroline would find a therapist earlier in their relationship to get through to his husband. She does not recommend hiding anything from your spouse, as any relationship should be a partnership. Clean up your side of the street first and wait to see how people would react to it. There would be times when even if you feel you’re 100% right, seek third-party help. Have somebody be a mediator to help you find your middle ground.

Relationship Therapy and its Impact On Finances

Caroline is a huge advocate for therapy. If you feel like you’re struggling in your relationship, seek help because sometimes it takes a little bit of work and a mindset shift to see eye to eye with your spouse. We can change, but we don’t always believe in ourselves. She encouraged her husband into the relationship dynamic she thought would be best for their family. It did wind up being something for the better, not only for them but for her husband’s personal growth. 

What advice would you give to someone trying to get through to a spouse who doesn’t see the problem in their spending issue?

  • Caroline: Caroline and her husband had to find their middle ground by valuing what is not in the nature of the other person and acknowledging this
  • Jill: Jill tends to over-dramatize or inflate a situation, so she learned to be very specific and factual about what it actually is and not become heightened or elevated in how she portrays it. 
  • Allison: Allison would easily make assumptions, but just like everyone else, he can’t read her mind. They have to be very direct regarding money, but through grace and no judgment, to avoid guessing or making false assumptions.

Get more from Caroline

Bill of The Week

Thank you Caroline for sharing your bill about your FIL who has 125K subscribers on Youtube – Chords of Orion.

Thanks so Much for Listening!

Thanks so much for listening. Many of you know we have a private community where we do monthly money challenges and offer accountability groups. We want to congratulate one of our members for a big win.

I paid off my stuff (finally)!

I recently got approved for a HELOC so I could pay off my high interest cards and look into getting a two car garage potentially (still working on that last one) Without even using any money from the HELOC I managed to pay off all of my cards!

I know I will have some purchases to pay off like groceries, etc but I finally have enough in my checking to take care of it and still have plenty left over I'm hoping to start saving and also continue to pay down some other debt I have.

Congrats! If you want to check out our monthly challenge community head to frugalfriendspodcast.com/club to see what challenge we have coming up next.

And keep leaving us reviews on iTunes or Stitcher, and sending the screenshot to reviews@frugalfriendspodcast.com. And don’t forget to share your favorite quote from the episode by using the hashtag #FrugalFriendsNote. 😉

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