Make it last forever, friendship never ends 🎶 But when you’re in your 30s, people have said it’s harder to build and maintain friendships, so how do we make it last forever? Frugal Friends Jen and Jill are now in their solid, spicy 30s, and in this episode, they unravel about recognizing the relationships in our lives and how they impact our money!
- Swapping lunches. The original way of making friends. Trading your PP&J for your friends turkey sandwich, or the homemade cookie for the dunkaroos pack OR just watching other people trade lunches because no one wants your carrot sticks and wheat germ waffle.
If this is you, only now with your inbox instead of your lunchbox we have a solution! Even if all the emails you’re receiving are the equivalent to cold lentil soup or 2-day old bologna sandwich on seeded bread you too can level up your inbox game with the Friendletter. It’s our newsletter we send with updates on what you can get for free that week, savings tips, and money mindset shifts. frugalfriendspodcast.com
The importance of community
Jill believes we don’t do well in complete isolation, as relationships are one of our core human needs. It’s vital to every aspect of our personhood. There are opportunities for sharing, such as receiving and giving support, ideas, resources, and just experiencing reciprocity. Jen thinks we live in a society that only praises individualism, and asking for help is frowned upon. We need to reset these biases and create interdependence, such as relying on our people and on our community, which should be seen as a strength and not a weakness.
Types of community/relationships
Identifying the types of communities and relationships we have helps us know which ones we’re lacking and sufficient. It also supports recognizing the current state of our lives relationally. There are chosen and given (friends you select and maintain friendship with—usually the family), old and new, situational (formed relationships through hobbies, extracurricular activities) and relational (connection with heart, mind, and emotions), shared and individual, life-giving and depleting, in-person and online.
Jill reminds how each is neutral; it doesn’t mean you necessarily have to get rid of all relationships that are primarily one-sided or feel depleting. Jen advises looking at it with the 80/20 rule, wherein 20% of the relationships are going to make 80% of the impact, at least financially.
How to find and keep community/relationships (and when to let go)
Jill mentions the Frugal Friends community as an example for online relationships, as it has become a beautiful community. It can provide an important outlet that you may not find in person. Jen agrees with online relationships being meaningful, just as those we have in person, as her best friends are now raising families, and it’s been hard to get their schedules to match, so 95% of their relationship is purely online.
When it comes to the ‘chosen’ community…
Understanding and working towards being the best version of ourselves is highly critical to being able to have and maintain the friendship we want. Jill emphasizes how you must be the friend you want to have in return. Check in with yourself and ask questions about the community you’re in. How does it make you feel? How does it impact your money? What about you? What do you want more of? What do you want to give? Are there outlets you feel you’re lacking?
During Jen’s 20s, it was all about being with people and doing fun activities with them. She realizes that she was paying money to get a value she didn’t actually need to be paying for—a value that money can’t buy. It was then that she decided to build the community she wanted.
How our community/relationships impact our finances
Wealth opportunities in relational capital can be just as important as financial capital. Jill thinks the thought of building relationships with our neighbor by simply asking for a couple of eggs no longer exists. It’s not always about having to reinvent or create a new friendship; it’s more about what to do with the relationships we already have.
Jen quotes that relationships are not about money but something we all desperately need. To do so, we should at least speak about our needs. Know where your boundaries intersect, such as your expectations, obligations, and communication. The choices we make together with our relationships and communities have a big impact on our finances as we mutually influence each other.
The most important lesson you learned about relationships and finances when you entered your 30s
Jen learns how not everyone is in the place we are in—we all have different goals, experiences, drivers, or trauma leading us to the choices we make. Jill becomes more direct with what she will do and won’t do, which has helped in her personal finances.
Bill of The Week
Thank you Anon for the follow up on the ‘surprise vacation’ and your adorable story with your 4-yo daughter who swallowed a screw!
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